{invitations.}

So-- I finished our invitations yesterday and I'll be mailing them out tomorrow! :) I absolutely love them!

 

 

cobra.

So after a month of trying to get cobra set up & find out whether or not I am eligable for the new thing Obama passed where I only pay 35% of the cost instead of 102%, I FINALLY found out I am :) THANK GOD. So instead of having to pay almost $500, I only have to pay $140/ month. Maybe things are finally starting to go my way? Now if only the unemployment office would figure their junk out.


--On another note, since my whole insurance thing hadn't been straightened out yet, I had to pay $90 for 15 Ambien CR last night. Since surgery I can't fall asleep & once I do I wake up at least 7-10 times a night. It's ridiculous. I had tried the regular Ambien and it was like taking sugar pills. Surgery has really screwed with my system. I can now take anything and it doesn't do a damn thing. SO annoying to not be able to fix this problem. But yeah, how ridiculous is that.. $90 for FIFTEEN pills. omg. --

one month.

2010 has by far been the most stressful time of my life so far, and it is only February.

Let's see--

- I lost my job December 31
- Alan and I found out we were having a baby on January 13
- We got engaged.
- January 17 I started having pregnancy complications & on January 20 I had to have emergency surgery & we lost the baby
- my dad lost his job
- My sister is having some issues with people at school and dealing with things she shouldn't have to.
- SC Unemployment denied by claim because of Megan Martin-- who is the world's biggest bitch.
- Alan is working two jobs so that I don't have to go back to work yet. I am clearly not ready to be back in the social world and he is taking on a great deal to help me out. I love him :)

Among many other family issues that aren't really blog appropriate.


Oh life-- why must you be so damn stressful? I can't wait until I am back to my old self (which let's face it, may never happen.) I have to say, I am much stronger of a person than I ever thought I could be and I am so proud of how Alan and I have dealt with everything we have had to go through this year. In the end it will make our relationship so much stronger and I know that, it's just hard getting there.  I'll have to say, it really is times like these that you find out who your true friends are--it takes a lot to be there for someone so selflessly. I admire anyone who is so willing to be here for Alan and me during such a hard time in our lives--through the crying, anger, random mood changes, insomnia etc. It takes a lot, and I am so grateful to everyone who has been so wonderful to us this last month. You have no idea how much you mean to us and I could never thank you enough for how much you have truly helped us. I could never express to you all how much you mean to us.

we booked our honeymoon!

YAYYY! In 75 days, we will be here!  SO exciting! :)

4 weeks.

 

I can't believe it has already been 4 weeks. It seriously feels like yesterday we were finding out we were pregnant and going in and out of Doctor's office's because of the problems I started having. (And for anyone who doesn't know what an Ectopic Pregnancy is, please google it before asking me.. it's obviously a sensitive subject.)  I know I can't live in the past. But I would have been 9 weeks today. 

I got tired of waiting for these dissolvable stitches to go away on their own-- so I cut the ends off with nail clippers. SO much better not to have something jabbing you in the belly all day long! I'm able to wear jeans for upwards of 4 hours now-- huge progress there, thank God. I am definitely running out of sweats.

survey.

I saw this on Amanda's blog and I am bored so I decided to do it. I modified it to be 2009/2010 thus far.

1. What did you do in 2009 that you had never done before?

Went to New York City

2. Did you keep your New Year's Resolutions and will you make more for next year?

I don't make resolutions.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

A few people I know did & I know several who are pregnant now.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Depends on how you view things. In my opinion, yes.

5. What places did you visit in 2009?

Beech Mountain, NC; Biltmore House; Dallas, Texas; Tucson, Arizona; Nogales, Mexico, Orlando, Florida; Bahamas; Lake Jocassee, SC; Flat Rock, NC; New York City, NY

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?

Well, for now I would like to get married and focus on my health & regaining my strength from surgery.

7. What date from 2009/ 2010 will remain etched in your memory and why?

2009--Probably December 31-- For reasons few people know.

& 2010-- January 20-- The day I had emergency surgery & we lost our baby.

8. What was your biggest achievement this year?

So far this year, I have found out that I am much stronger than ever though I could be.  I never in a million years would have thought something like this would happen to me, much less how I would deal with something so serious & life threatening. I still struggle on a daily basis, and I know I will for a long time-- but I am honestly proud of the way Alan & I have handled it.

9. Did you suffer illness or injury?

oh yes. I had a cyst on my sinuses in September that got removed & had to have surgery a month later from complications, and then the surgery last month.

10. What was the best thing you bought?

2009-- Bella

2010-- Our wedding bands.

11. Where did most of your money go?

2009-- food & bills. 

2010-- our wedding so far. plus making up for the fact that I don't have a job. (oh, & that $30,000 hospital bill.)

12. What song will always remind you of 2009?

Right Round. English & I played it non stop on my 21st birthday.

13. What do you wish you would have done more of?

Spending more time with my family.

14. What do you wish you would have done less of?

Spoiling Bella.

15. What was your favorite TV program?

Jon & Kate Plus 8, Law & Order SVU, The Hills, Desperate Housewives, Criminal Minds, In Plain Sight.

16. What was the best book you read this year?

Handle With Care.

17. What was your favorite film of the year?

The Blind Side

18. What did you do on your birthday and how old were you?

I just turned 22 the other day. I went to the movies with my family & friends and saw Valentine's Day and later went to Carrabba's, then Copper River.

19. What political issue stirred you the most?

hmmmm, stayed away from those

20. Who was the best new person you met?

Brielle, without a doubt.

Snow & Birthdays.

So today is my 22nd birthday. I'm going to the movies with some friends & family in a little bit to see Valentine's Day, and then later on we are going to Carrabba's for dinner :)

 

So, we got about 8.5 inches of snow last night/ this morning. It was the 5th snowiest day ever...yikes!

3 weeks.

So, this is where I was three weeks ago today. So far it hasn't gotten any easier. I can move around better--although I can only wear jeans for 2 hours at a time before it about kills my stomach. (The stitches are still there and are all three right across my waist line.) I am so looking forward to our honeymoon in the caribbean. I doubt these wonderful scars will have faded that much by then. oh well. By the way, this picture was after the versed they gave me so I was conscious-- but I don't remember a single thing until after I woke up in recovery. And even then, things are still pretty fuzzy until like 4 days later.

happy first birthday bella!

Today is Bella's 1st/7th birthday! We got her almost a year ago, when she was just 6 weeks old and weighed 5 pounds. Now, she is a year old and weighs over 60 pounds. (I haven't weighed her in a few months because of surgery, and the fact that she is half my own weight now.)

two weeks.

In case anyone else is keeping track-- it's been two weeks today since my surgery & we lost our baby. Almost exactly this time two weeks ago, I was coming out of surgery and my family was finding out what had happened. I am still very fornutate that we found Dr. Skinner when we did, or my outcome could/ most likely would have been drastically different. I have put my job search on hiatus for now & I figure I'll resume the search once I can go longer than 24 hours without a breakdown, and when I can wear something other than sweats for longer than 2 hours. It's still really hard having to look at my scars & have the pain to remind me 24/7 of what happened. I know that I am going to have to find a way to deal with that, and I know it will get easier over time. I also know that the pain of what happened will never fully go away.

For now--I am trying to finish up this semester in school, but with all that has happend & with me being audited by the IRS (nice timing, huh) I am most likely going to have to resume my current classes next year, and be put on academic probation. I'm sure if I were to let the school know what happened they would be understanding.  I am learning that sometimes I just need to put less important things on the back burner and concentrate on the more important things (like healing & being audited.) On the plus side, I have lost almost all of the weight from surgery & the dreadful junk they put in me, and I have my first dress fitting FEBRUARY 18th! eeek! Oh, and for the first time in 21 years I forgot about my birthday. It is coming up quick--February 13! I feel old (even though I know I'm not) since I really don't care about it. I have gained a totally new perspective on life-- and my birthday is not one of the things that matters most. Alan, Bella, my family & friends are. Everything else can wait.


---I have my follow up appointment tomorrow, so hopefully I can drive, take bubble baths, GET MY STICHES OUT etc. ---

fortune cookies.

I completely forgot about it until now, but the day after everything started with the hospital visits etc., Alan and I went to Red Bowl in Sandhills. I never put too much thought into fortune cookies since this one time a few years ago I got one that said, "you and your wife will be very happy together." yeah. SO anyway, this particular day mine said- "A new relationship is about to blossom. You will be blessed." Needless to say, I was ecstatic and for the first time I thought everything would be ok with the baby--that is until Alan opened up his. It read, " You will receive unexpected support over the next week. Accept it graciously." Two days later, I had emergency surgery and we lost the baby. I'll probably never open up another fortune cookie, they just give ridiculous fortunes & false hope.

thank God for family & best friends.

I cannot thank these people enough for all that they have done for me the past 12 days. I am so grateful to have you all as friends & family.

I love you guys!